I love my work. And for a long time, I felt that if I was committed to my work, I should set big goals and achieve them.
But when I didn’t achieve a goal, the negative loop would start: mood swings, negative self talk, drawn out conversation with my husband, friends or parents about why I just wasn’t cut out to do what I set out to do.
I’d let it all out then wait for some validation.
“No, you’re meant for this. Keep going,” say mom and husband.
This would last for days. Then I’d have to pick myself up grabbing at the validation, holding onto it tight, tight, tight.
In my mind, I’ve known for a long time this is the wrong approach to progress.
In fact, after my burnout in 2015 and shutting down my first company, I knew working from a healthier, happier place was critical to making any sort of impact, and I was committed to getting there.
And I did.
I learned a lot through that experience, one of the most important lessons being that living in the negative is the one thing we can cut out to make real progress and to make an impact.
The negative talk keeps us stagnant, and worse, often sets us back in more ways than we realize.
So here’s how to shift from a negative state to a positive one – so you can achieve your career goals and feel better while doing it.
Get Clear on How Negative Self Talk Harms You
There have been countless studies on how negative self talk is harmful, personally and professionally.
Below are a few ways I’ve noticed negative self talk is harmful.
- Lack of progress: Opposite to being solutions-oriented, negative self talk only shows us what we can’t do. That means the longer we’re in the negative loop, the more likely we won’t find a creative solution to our problems.
- Waste of time: The minutes, hours, days we spend beating ourselves up add up and become significant throughout our lifetime.
- Loss of money: Time is money, and that’s all I’ll say here.
- Lack of joy: Ultimately, I feel the greatest harm is done here. Life is short. And when we’re operating from a happier place, we’re not only adding value to ourselves, but each person around us.
Take Inventory of Your Moods
When do you beat yourself up? And how often does it happen in one day? Track this for one to two days to get a baseline.
My friend Jena Booher, Strategic Advisor, Ph.D uses the Daily Record of Dysfunctional Thoughts with her clients, a methodology used in cognitive therapy.
Clients learn to self-monitor changes in their mood, label their emotions and recognize the thoughts that connect to those emotions.
Jena says, “Some common negative thoughts we all experience include feelings of worthlessness, shame and guilt. One way to change that dialogue is to develop positive self-talk statements as a way to increase confidence and a positive self image. Telling yourself ‘I’m smart’ or ‘I’m creative’ is one way to change the dialogue.”
Sometimes we also just need to let ourselves feel down.
We need to feel the pain and the frustration so we can process it and move forward.
But to differentiate between these two scenarios ask yourself: Is this something I need to feel right now? If yes, feel it. If not, adopt a method to monitor and overcome the negativity.
Get Clear on Your Positive Triggers
What makes you feel good? (I’m not referring to shopping or Facebook likes or anything like that.) I’m referring to a routine you can build into your day to help you grow and shift from negative to positive.
For me, it’s Dr. Dyer’s podcast or reading spirituality books.
Or, I’ll write in my journal and meditate. These activities help me process whatever’s happening in my head while also helping me shift to a more positive outlook.
In Conclusion: To Achieve Your Career Goals
If you’re struggling in your day to day, I get it. I’ve been there. If the job search feels completely overwhelming and demoralizing, I also know the feeling.
The more you think about hating it though, the more you’re living in the misery of it. Take inventory of your moods to see how you can make incremental shifts everyday.